Recently I'm afraid to say I've found myself all a bit caught up in some rather unwanted post hospital horribleness. See, since these winter months have snuck in, the outside world has started to appear to me more and more like one Giant Germ Fest...
Everywhere I go there are flush faced babies, watery eyed toddlers and snot faced children. I am regularly tortured by tales of temperatures and live in fear of the supermarket splutter.
It's not that I'm scared of the odd cough or snuffle, I'm not, (honestly.) but it's my Smidge you see, her lungs...they don't be no good.
Being born at 6 months gestation and having been ventilated at birth, she is especially vulnerable to winter nasties such as RSV and to tell you the truth its a challenge to manage.
See,I don't like to feel like I did earlier this year when she was in intensive care, when I was always on edge. And somehow, I stupidly and naively assumed that once we were discharged my breathing in to a paper bag days were a thing of the past.
Well we are not quite at paper bag level yet, but that sinking feeling of fear and powerlessness is still within me, not all the time, but when Smidge gets ill or when she is accidentally exposed to illness.
Anyway, It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't make me look and feel like a total nut job. If it wasn't for others looking at me and thinking 'over protective Mother.'
And so the gut wrenching NICU fear lives on within me..and it's not just the fear factor but the feeling judged factor, the being strong factor and the feeling angry factor.
Basically the messed up factor! Anyway all of that has prompted the letter factor, and friend, if you are reading this then sorry but you should have put Smidge first.
Thank you so much for the wonderful virus you gave us whilst visiting our house over Christmas.
I know it didn't cost you much, but it really is the thought that counts isn't it?
When you said your daughter had one just like it I was genuinely amazed that you thought my 25 week gestation premature baby would enjoy the same lovely present, but actually we've all felt the benefit.
Her dad has been saving his annual leave up all year for this special time and what better way to enjoy it than with your special gift.
I'd heard they had ones just like it in the shops but I held off in the hope that someone would bring us one just like it, and you did. So what can I say but Thank you, and do call in any time, regardless of yours or your Child's health situation.
Best wishes and enjoy the rest of the festive season,